Last night I had a dream that I was in rehab with Caitlyn Jenner.

Please note that in reality, the most violent thing I’ve ever done to my body is Dr. Pepper- not really sure why I was there. I do remember approaching Caitlyn and asking, “Even though I don’t necessarily agree with all of your life choices, can we take a selfie?” Then I woke up before even getting the picture. Sad, really.

When I woke, I wasn’t in rehab after all. I was in my hotel bed in Metairie, Louisiana. Time to shower. As I stepped out of the shower, the desk phone rang. I answered, and the front desk told me that my shuttle to the airport had left me. I panicked as I realized that I had written down the wrong shuttle time. Apparently, 04:50 doesn’t cut it when 04:15 is required.

I asked the desk clerk how much a cab ride would cost to the airport, and she said it would cost about $24. She told me that the next shuttle was about to leave, but if I’d hurry, they’d wait for me. I told her I would only be 5 minutes. I have never gotten dressed that fast in all of my 40 years!

When I got to the airport, I ran like a mad dog, made my way through the security check, and actually got to my gate 3 whole minutes early! I was downstairs about 7 minutes later, wearing a wrinkled uniform. Oh well, I guess I’ll just wear my jacket all day to hide the wrinkles. I can relax.